i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
