Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
