honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
