Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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