I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
