nut hugger
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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