i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
