You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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