??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Someone shit on the floor
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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