I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
