last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
