i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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