Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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