I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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