So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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