Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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