Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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