Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
