Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
