a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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