Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I AM VODKA MAN
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
