i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
