i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Congratulations! We have a period
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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