After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I lost the right to judge tonight
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
