I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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