My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
