I just threw up on my dentist
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
PANTIES FOUND
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
