your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
