Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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