based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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