Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize