Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize