Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
