I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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