If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
