My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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