You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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