I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
