I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
