if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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