I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
