4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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