I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
