Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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