Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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