My liver just broke up with me...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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