He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's never too late to be topless.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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