I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
