i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
