nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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