Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
