I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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