do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
