he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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