im drinking this country out of the recession.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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