the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
