I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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