Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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