You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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