apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
