quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
