I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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