i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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