Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
