So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
