Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
