i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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