I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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