He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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