I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
