i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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