awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
