I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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