I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
