I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
