My sheets look like a crime scene.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
