i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
