well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
