you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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