He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
