Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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